just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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