I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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