He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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