if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
