i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize