Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
