He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
