I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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