they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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