I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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