so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
