I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
