I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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