you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
