This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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