You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
