so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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