It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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