Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
