Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am spending my child support on dildos
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
