I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she peed on how many people?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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