just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
