just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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