The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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