Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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