sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that's an acceptable place to lick
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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