New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
