I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
