y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
