you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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