hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
