so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
