Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
