Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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