maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
