I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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