His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you will always have a special place in my vag
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize