I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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