Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He did a backflip because drugs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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