Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize