batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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