Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
