Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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