yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
