jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
