You just made me feel so damn special
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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