I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
