I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The adults are the big ones right?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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