Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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(916): View more from California

Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.

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(937): View more from Ohio

That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie

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