Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
