If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
