You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can you bring me the toilet please
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
