I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
