Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
