people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
