Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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