He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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