Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
