Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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