Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
