im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
