Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
