what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize