i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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