Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
