I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
