i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
