I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
