This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
