If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just found a bag of teeth...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
