she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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