i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
