Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
