Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I should be sponsored by Trojan
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
