Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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