Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
