I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
