who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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