your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
