a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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