I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
