well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
