when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
