everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
