don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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