I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
