Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
