I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
