JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
