ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
